Sunday, April 10, 2005, 4:30 PM
And it's all thanks to softball..I used to be really enthu and interested and passionate abt it..but now..the interest is dying off..I'm trying my best..really..but..blahblahblah..my feelings can't change..my mentality can't change..In softball,I get discouraged really easily if I screw up...like if i miss catchin a pop fly..In my mind..I go shit..then I think that I cannot make it..The other girls have improved alot since Jan..except me..I m prob the worst player on the team..and I have not played in any match yet..why is this so..Could be my fault..missed out on 2 SRC tournaments..but NTU and NUS friendly..didn't get a chance to play at all..sux..I regret committing too early to softball..in 1st 3 months..I should have tried out more CCAs before deciding on one..Wasted..I could have used my height to advantage in netball or sth..sigh..I noe..I should be positive..and try my best at softball..but it's getting hard..and sometimes I feel like breaking down..It's hard to describe my feelings..
then I visited Melissa's blog today..and felt even worse..the team members all seem quite close to one another..me..I feel isolated..Like when I m early for training..I just sit there by myself..feels awkward if i attempt to talk to anyone..then all my gd renz quit..make me feel v alonely u noe..1st Yee Yong..then Zhi Rong..then Evelyn..and no one else that I can crap with..I see amanda teasing wendy..then melissa and the other girls form this like closely knitted family..they r quite close i can tell..then there are secrets shared and i m not included..it makes me feel bad u noe? Y can't u girls include me in? As I m writing this..tears r building up in my eyes..I MUST not cry...I must be strong..I dun want anyone in my family to noe tat I m not tata happy and enjoying myself in softball..Stop it..don't cry..Oh man..tears are falling down my face..my nose is getting runny..shall not dwell on it anymore..Cheer me up..someone..
council elections coming up soon..have not planned on anything yet..speech..campaigning etc..sigh..a little worried now..I really want to get into council..my dream since sec sch..fellow NJCians..vote for me k...
a long time since i last blogged..been busy,, and i feel like i m drowning in my studies..behing bio by 2 chpts..dun understand physics kinematics..math..got alot to do..the KM is taking a long time to load!! this sux..
on a more cheerful note..my bday is coming up soon..will be celebrating with my close frenz and family..and my bday is the 1st day of council elections..whoohoo! How exciting..to make it more meaningful..I start off my lector duties next sat..more of a coming to age kind of thing..want to serve God and the church..
my complexion is getting worse..any facial products to recommend?
